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FixerUpperMarriage.org/messy August 5th, 2004 around 9 PM I am curled up on the cold, hard floor in the corner of a hospital room. And I am crying. The thing is, I don’t cry. I am like Clint Eastwood in those old spaghetti westerns. I never flinch, never panic, and I always have a plan. But not today. Instead, I am sobbing and hoping that no one sees me. It all started a couple of months after our wedding day. I had married the woman of my dreams. We loved each other madly, kissed passionately, and did everything together. When she told me I was in complete shock. It was late at night and I went outside, in the dark, to water the bushes I had planted a couple of weeks before. I was gone awhile before I was able to come back in and deal with the news. From that moment on, our lives changed forever. We spent money that we didn’t have preparing for a baby- our baby to come. Then the most incredible thing happened one night on the way home from church. Amber felt the baby move! It made everything different. Our excitement hit a fever pitch! Soon that all changed early one morning when she woke in intense pain. After a frantic drive to the hospital, we found out she was in labor, but it was way too early. I held her hand for hours until she finally had the baby. He was a perfect little boy, but he was lifeless.  In the days, weeks, months, and years that followed we dealt with the pain, grief, and sorrow that accompany that kind of loss. It still hurts when I remember the cruel words of well-intentioned friends. It is the kind of loss that people just don’t know how to respond to. Somehow we made it through but not without scars and moments of complete frustration. We found out that life and love is messy. And it’s the mess that has defined our relationship over the years. The truth about love is that it is messy. So why is love so messy?