About

Tracy continues on her theme of raising teenagers, focusing on the pressures of self harm. This episode offers advice and actions to take if you suspect your child is suffering. Following the main episode, there is a meditation especially designed to address any stress from the issues raised in the podcast. For help with any issues raised in this podcast, or for a free initial consultation, contact Tracy: Website: www.tracykimberg.com Phone: 07928 154054 Facebook: www.facebook.com/Tracy.Kimberg.Counselling.Therapy.Coaching/ Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tracy-kimberg-9564a3193/ Instagram: www.instagram.com/tracy_kimberg_hypnotherapist/   My name is Tracy Kimberg. And as a mother of three, I decided to start this podcast to shed some light on subjects that I encountered in my life. And to help people understand their own teenagers better, and even their own relationship, what their family members would say, partners. And of course, with their children. This is episode 17 and, Oh my goodness. Everything is slowly but surely returning back to normal schools have started. And we, as parents are able to get a little bit more time to ourselves in between the school runs there and back from school. Have you heard the term self-harming or cutting self-harming or cutting is something that is happening more often than you think. And of course, if anything in today's discussion resonates with you as a parent or with somebody that, you know, then please get in touch. Oh, sent them my number, send me an email and we can set up an appointment and I'd love to help you work through it. We all feel as parents that our role is to keep our children safe. So few things trigger a more immediate panic reaction in parents. When they find out that a child is engaging in self harm. Unfortunately, it's fairly common. And the reaction of the parent plays a very, very important role in helping teams in the recovering process, cutting into the skin. Is the most widely known form of self-harm teens do this using their fingernails, razorblades knives, or even pen caps, anything sharp self harm can also come in forms of other behavior like burning skin, picking hair pulling, or even hitting oneself kids with anxiety, depression. Eating disorders, borderline personality disorders or post-traumatic stresses orders are all at risk for self harm, but some are kids with a history of trauma, neglect, or abuse. Other potential risks for self harm include low self-esteem feeling rejected or lonely feeling unsafe at school or at home perfectionistic behavior frequent conflicts with friends or family. Impulsive behavior or tendency to take unhealthy risks. The sounds like any teenager, I'm sure. So, how do I know if my team is engaging in self-harm? Well, teens who self-harm tend to be skilled at hiding their behavior from their parents, because they're embarrassed. They hide it from their parents, their friends, and other adults in their lives. While some parents might notice scars or marks on the teens, arms, torso, or legs, many of the red flags of South home. Tend to be very subtle. The subject might trigger some serious, um, discomfort, or maybe even concerns with you. And I do invite you. If anything that you listen to today, uh, makes you feel worried about your child. Then please get in touch with me. You can get hold of me on email tracy@tracykimberg.com or you can give me a phone call. My telephone number will be in the notes of the podcast, but most importantly, I would like you to listen very carefully at how you as a parent can handle the situation so that it doesn't get worse. It is perfectly natural to feel very worried. And overwhelmed or even furious and angry. If you discover that your team is using self-harm to cope with their emotions, you might feel an urge to say something like you could, how could you do this to yourself or stop doing this immediately? It's important to remember that most teens who engage in self harm are just as afraid of their behavior, as you are mainly feel extreme guilt. Shame and deeper Morse after they self-harm, it's so important to remain very calm and engage in open and honest communication without judgment snapping criticisms and overreactions will probably result in your team shutting down completely. And isolating herself even more instead and ask open-ended questions about why your team is feeling so sad or overwhelmed and what the contributing factors are to the behavior. And be very sure to let your teenage know that you as their parent are there to listen and that you love them no matter what, it's very important that you get help. If your team is engaging in self-harm, he or she needs professional help, those self-harm is generally not considered suicidal in nature. There is an elevated risk of suicidal behavior, 14 to self harm. If there is an underlying mental health disorder, such as anxiety or depression, sometimes it's better to get help for your teenager. A good first step is to get a comprehensive evaluation done by. A professional sometimes, um, your teen self harm behavior can elevate and it can become life-threatening. And in these situations, your child might even need to go to hospital. Therapy definitely helps teens work through the triggers that contribute to the negative thought patterns and it helps them learn positive coping skills to use instead of engaging in self harm behaviors. So, um, I would suggest to seek. Help from a professional and, um, you know, that can definitely help your teenage learn how to cope better. Some of the therapies that work or even family therapy to explore triggers at home and how the parents and teens can improve their communication patterns and help develop better coping skills for dealing with the stress that might be coming from home. Also individual therapy can help the team to challenge the negative and distressing thoughts and recognize the patterns of negative thinking and learn different replacement strategies. Also learning how to tolerate uncomfortable emotions, better to learn, to regulate feelings of anxiety, rejection, anger, and fear, and learn positive coping skills. Of course for us as parents, our most important role here is to provide emotional support for your team when they are self-harming. They need your support as they slowly but surely learn to replace their maladaptive coping strategies with adaptive ones and work through the emotional pain. Breaking the cycle is not always easy. And teens need so much empathy from us and compassion during the recovery process. Yes. So what triggers self home? Yeah. In teens you might want to know, and this is not really an easy answer. An important part of helping teams recover from self-harm is understanding why they do it in the first place. There isn't a simple answer to the question, as I said, but in general, some teams use self home to relieve the tension by stimulating endorphins, um, while others use self harm to feel physical pain, instead of emotional numbness. Stress and pressure, anxiety and oppression are all associated with self harm in adolescence. Um, they might be a few other feelings that trigger the impulse to engage in self harm. A few of those for instance, are anger, sadness, rejection by their peers or their ad or other adults loneliness. Irritability, social issues, family discord, um, sometimes even social media use, including videos. Yeah. Photos that show other kids cutting to cope with emotional pain. The important thing to remember is. Um, the teams who engage in this behavior often describe a temporary feeling of relief, but it also results in an overwhelming feeling of guilt and shame. So what are the warning signs of, um, Self-harm and how can you look out for these signs? There are a couple of signs, but I always say to parents, trust your instincts. Are you seeing suspicious looking scars wounds that don't heal or get worse? Is your child isolating itself? Are you talking about self-injury and they might mention to them about their peers that are engaging in self-harm. Are they collecting or are you findings, um, sharp objects around their room? Are they being secretive about their behavior? Oh, have they, all of a sudden started wearing long sleeves and long pants or trousers in hot weather? Are they avoiding social activities? Are they wearing lots of weird bandages and plasters? And are they avoiding sports or activities where there might have to change clothes in front of others? And again, I'd like to stress. If you are worried that your team might be engaging in self harm behavior, then please get help or contact me. And we can have a discussion and see where I can help you. But how can you as a parent help your team? That's self homes. Teens who self-harm are usually depressed and overwhelmed by anxiety, stress, and pressure. So they also tend to be very skilled in hiding their pain from their friends, their parents, their teachers, and their coaches. And they can. Probably, um, postings anonymously online to find support and, um, a community that will support them. If they find a recovery community, they can share their experiences through journaling messaging, or perhaps even art. This can be helpful for teens. But if on the other hand, they stumble upon a community that supports the self-harm behavior. It can result in the teen feeling helpless and continuing the behavior. Teens who self-harm need treatment. That is the bottom line. And the first step is to seek help from someone who knows what they're doing. Either a therapist, a psychotherapist or psychiatrist. Um, but you can't just ignore the issue depending on the underlying triggers and emotions beneath the Selma pharm behaviors. There are different types of therapies and interventions that we as therapists use. So, um, you know, it's definitely important to get the help. You know, it's so easy to blame social media for everything, but there is a lot of talk that social media can trigger self home. Despite the efforts of social media sites, to curb posting images and videos and other disturbing content that actually promotes or normalize the self harm. There are very clear guidelines now. And. This is a step in the right direction. The problem, however, is that it's very easy to decline the offer and proceed to the potentially triggering content, which is out there. Teens sometimes turn to social media to find support, but they also turn to social media to validate and feel normal in their self-harm. There are hashtags specifically created to help people who self harm support one another in making positive choices when they feel the urge. But there are also so many hashtags out there that show some fairly disturbing content. Given that the teens are savvy on social media, much more than us as parents. They also create new hashtags to get around the band hashtags or hashtags that are watched by social media sites while hashtag self-harm might be on the radar for the social media sites. Self-harm with back a couple of extra M's at the end might not be. Yes. It is very difficult to draw a definite link between social media and, um, teens that self-harm without enough data, but self harm, hashtags and communities online certainly can try and normalize the behavior. Unfortunately, these are the real things that we have to look out for as parents. But I'd like to give you a few points that you can take home with you today and remember how you can help your child cope when they are overwhelmed and not having a good time. Mentally, number one is make time to connect with your child. One-to-one when it's just you and everybody is relaxed and willing to talk and be open and honest with each other. Number two is keep your team busy, even if it's giving them, um, things to do or taking them out, highlight the things that they like doing, especially when they are in a high pressure schedule at school. Find ways for them to slow down and decrease their commitments at school, by engaging in things that they enjoy. And, um, they can forget about their pressures. Number three is encourage your team to connect with positive and supportive friends. And not go to social media where there is often things that they actually don't need to hear and not the right support and before is try and practice relaxing activities together. Go for a walk, um, journal. Um, Do drawing use a mindfulness app and, you know, give them the things that they need to do this. Get them a nice journal with some nice colorful pens. For instance, number five. Is exercise. They need to get outdoors and exercise, especially now with lockdown, where the children have been cooped up at home and not being able to socialize with your friends, try and encourage them to at least go for a walk every day and take part in exercise as much as they can. Number six, your team creates a list of people to call or text when they feel overwhelmed, explain to them that this is their emergency contact list. When they feel down. It could be a sibling. It could be a grandparent. It could even be a teacher or one of their friends that are inclined to actually lift them up because sometimes teens are unaware of toxic friendships that actually bring them down, encourage them to evaluate those friendships and actually write the names down of the people that are uplifting. Number seven is acknowledge your teens pain and validate your teens. Emotions just is so important. We all know what it feels dark when we don't. And sometimes you just want someone that is going to validate how you feeling and not try and make you feel even worse. By telling you that you shouldn't feel like that it's by allowing them to feel these emotions and by just being a support system and therefore them showing them unconditional love and support number eight. It's be patient. It will take time to break these negative cycles. And I know sometimes one does lose patients and you want things to happen immediately. We all want our children to be safe and we feel frustrated when they are engaging in behaviors that. Or unhelpful to them and you worry about their future and their success of their future, but just show patience and understanding and tell them that no matter how long it takes, you will be there for them every step of the way. And then the last one. Is reach out to the school counselor to assist them at school or the class tutor and make them aware that your child is battling at the moment so that they are more understanding and can keep an eye out for your child while they are not at home. With early identification and professional support and supportive home and school environments, teenagers can learn to use positive strategies to cope with very complex, negative emotions and work through their triggers. And as parents remember, we are all doing the best we can and sometimes. Well, you have to remember that we aren't perfect either and that we all make mistakes. Our children make mistakes. We make mistakes, but our mistakes do not define who we are and they are not who we are. As people be kind to yourself, have self compassion with yourself and with your team. And this brings up us too. Oh, meditation part, which is of course my favorite part of the podcast, because I know that I can help. So many of you that are listening, relax, find calmness and peace. So remember, you can't do this while you're driving. So if you are press pause, if you're not, then I'm sure you've already got your blankets. You've struggled up. Very cozy in your chair, on your bed and you ready to enjoy this hypnotherapy relaxation session. COVID number from one to 10 of how stressed you are right now. And remember that number in your head. Before you start and then go ahead and close your eyes. Take a nice deep letting go breath already. Beginning to relax both body and mind. Relax the top of your head. Relax your forehead, smoothing out any creases, relax the tiny muscles in your eyes. Extra Cho. Pitting at hanger and Slack. And as you create that space in your jaw, you send a message to the rest of your body that it's safe for it to relax, relax your shoulders. Relax, your arms all the way through to your fingertips. Relax your torso. Breathing easily. Really releasing your stomach. Relax your legs. All the way down through to the bottoms of your feet, begin to imagine the color, your favorite color, the one you love forming above your head and say that color out loud, imagining that color flowing into the top of your head at the same time, all the way through your body and out through the bottoms of your feet. Down into the sane, Sophia color, relaxing you cleansing you and releasing you color, taking you all the way down, deep, down, and relaxed. Repeating your mind off to me. I'm safe. I'm calm. And I choose to be here. And say the cut of your love as it flows in through the top of your head and all the way through your body, out through the bottoms of your feet and down, down into the center of the earth, double your relaxation with each decreasing number you hear now. And repeat after me 10, I'm going deeper. Nine I'm going deeper. I'm coming deeper and deeper seven. I'm going deep, six deep, deep, four deep. Maybe I'm going deep to ongoing deeper. And one now I'll say that color you love. And imagine it again, find through your head all the way through your body, cleansing you out through the bottoms of your feet, down into the center of the earth. And when I count down from three to one and snap my fingers, whatever it is, that's, what's causing you stress. And a feeling of being stuck will appear. Maybe it's a limiting belief. Maybe it shows up as a wrong, whatever it is in that way. You just imagine it in your head. And when I count down from three, whatever it is is going to appear three. Going deeper, two, trusting it to come to you. And why just notice what it is, notice what it was what's causing you to feel stressed and stuck. Just notice it, notice the frustration that was created as a direct result of the block with the stuckness or the stress. And take a deep breath. And in this moment, when you notice your frustration, Allow yourself to become relaxed, unless you're focused on your deep relaxation, where you feel completely relaxed throughout your whole body. I would like you to think of what it is that's making you feel stuck. What's making you feel stressed. And frustrated. And I would like you to imagine putting it in a glass jar with a very tight lid, COEs, the lid rate, he tight. And as I count from three to one, you will make sure that that lead is fairly tightly closed. Three. Tight to very tight and one, and the lead is very tightly shot. And then in your front of you is a very calm stream of Okta. And you notice that the water is very bright affecting the sunlight flowing very firmly, but calmly away. And you walk toward the river with your jar and Jude and open the led. And you let your stress and anxiety and frustrations flow into the revise. You let it release itself and you notice yourself flowing. You notice a shift within yourself as you take a deep breath in and out, releasing all the stress into the water as it flows away. And I want you to repeat after me. I'm free to do what I want, how I want when I want everything works out. Exquisitely, everything works out better than planned. Everything arrives at perfect timing, everything. Always works out for me. My life is like a river constantly in motion. Feel the transformation within you, as you feel the movement, feel things begin to flow, feel how you become unstuck and as the transformation takes place. You feel a deep within you and you just let it all flow around you in you episode, being the peace, soaking up the peace and repeat after me now. I trust all is well welcome. Gifts are welcome. Mary Coles. I welcome. Peace, welcome happiness. And I trust that everything is working in my favor. Now imagine a damn wall bursting in front of you and the water flowing forward in a huge, big rush. So much water, so much energy, so much. Opportunity. So much positivity and freedom and happiness feeding lights. And of course you're feeling peaceful at the same time. Notice yourself with the big smile on your lips. As you feel this deep release of energy within you, he can start coming back now, moving your feet. Moving your hips, moving your arms and your fingers. Feel the energy returning into your body. Five, coming back to the space and time six, even more seven. Even more energy coming into you, eight feeling great and nine and 10 stretch your arms out. And now go ahead. I think about the starting number that you had and think about your finishing number, where are your stress levels? Now notice how you are super calm and relaxed. Done being stressed and stuff. And remember it's important to stay calm, stay focused, and stay relaxed and not get overwhelmed by thoughts. And emotions that control your life. You have the ability to control how you react to different thoughts and different emotions. Take a deep breath and just enjoy this peaceful moment. I should just lie or sit calmly with yourself, feeling completely unstuck. I hope you enjoy that. Have a lovely week and don't forget to follow me on social media, Tracy. Kimberg. Therapist. And of course I would love to hear some reviews on how you find the meditation, how your stress levels come down when you do these meditations, and please share them and let more people enjoy the benefits of these meditations and put costs.