Arts
The cow and the photographerBeddit in ma comfy grund Chowin’ on ma dreams I spied ye wi ma half shut ee An’ heard yer pechs and groans. As on ye struggl’t up ma hill An’ heft up oan yer back A monster wi three legs or mair Came climbin’ oot yer sack. A many splindered whirligig It danced upon the rocks Until ye got the better o’ it An’ tied it doon wi blocks The horny-goloch wisnae beat Its legs it push’d an’ sprouted An’ afore I even kent ma’sel I had hupped and shouted. But as the sun began to rise It clutched ye tae its breest Despite ma warnings and ma cries It wis aboot tae feast. So up I stotted tae yer aid I couldnae tak nae mair An’ looked the beastie in the eye An’ gied ma cauldest stare. But whit a stramash did ye stir Ye shouted, screamed and cried An’ then ye picked a muckle stane An’ at ma heid ye shied. Weel patience din I charged ye baith It folded wi’ a shunt An’ you ye graceless donnert man Went fleein’ wi a dunt. An’ galloped aff wi scittered shanks Yer breek arse at yer ankles Wi’oot a single word o’ thanks As the monster lay in fankles.