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Most people think they want deep connection—until old patterns show up. You chase, pull back, shut down. Sound familiar?
In this conversation with neuroscientist and author Dr. Dario Nardi, we break down the 9 attachment styles (not just the basic 4) and how your Myers-Briggs type secretly influences the way you love, trust, and sabotage relationships.
Whether you're an INFP stuck in the push-pull cycle, an INTJ lone wolf, or an ENFJ anxious pursuer, this video will help you finally understand why you keep repeating the same patterns—and what you can actually do about it.
We cover:
• The 4 classic attachment styles (and why they're incomplete)
• The expanded 9-style model with your personality type's "home base"
• Why gender socialization vs. type creates inner conflict
• Defense mechanisms that keep you blind to your own pattern
• The shocking stat about how many people struggle with this
• Real therapeutic tools that work (EMDR, somatic practices, and more)
If you've ever felt confused about why relationships feel so hard, this is your roadmap.
Resources mentioned:
• "Learning Love" by Thais Gibson (https://amzn.to/47mlBvx)
• Elena Wolf (therapeutic consultant) (https://www.ilenewolf.com/)
Chapters:
Let's figure this out together. Drop a comment with your type and attachment style—I read them all.
0:00 - Why Deep Connection Feels Impossible
3:55 - What Your Ex Sees That You Don't
4:51 - The One Question That Reveals Everything
6:07 - The 4 Styles Everyone Gets Wrong
6:25 - What Makes Someone 'Securely Attached'?
8:15 - The Attachment Style That Confuses Everyone
10:44 - Why You Can't See Your Own Pattern
26:09 - The Lone Wolf's Secret
28:31 - The Player's Secret Emotional Avoidance
30:05 - Why INFPs Feel Everything (And Run Away)
32:27 - When Stoic Becomes Your Survival Mode
32:59 - The Controller: The Style Nobody Mentions
34:40 - The Caretaker's Invisible Trap
39:19 - Gender vs. Personality: Which Controls You More?
41:55 - Your Type's Secret Relationship Weakness
1:04:18 - How to Actually Heal (Not Just Understand)
1:05:30 - The Childhood Wound You're Still Protecting
1:08:34 - Why Talk Therapy Isn't Enough
1:18:16 - The Stat That Changes How You Date
1:19:18 - The Relationship Hierarchy That Changes Everything
Tools Used (Affiliate Links):
Video and audio editing is easy with Descript: https://descript.cello.so/xEAztGmHclI