Miscellaneous
"Mikey's On Crack" (to the tune of Sir Mix-A-Lot's "Baby Got Back") OMG, Karen, look at his eyes They are like so dilated The pupils are like so round They’re like those big, bouncy things - basketballs I can’t look at him, ‘cause I’m scared Like more scared than I was when I watched “Gremlins” I mean, his eye things are so big And not to be racist, but they’re like really black too Like thick mol(e)-asses He’s just so whacked He smokes the rock and he always lies His pillow, he hides it inside When he goes to bed at night, he pulls it out and then Tries to light up, but misses His wig now on fire, he freaks out ‘Cause he thinks a rat’s in the house He tells it to go away ‘Stead of pouring water its way He starts throwing his pillows at it And then screams, “Oh, sh*t!” Thought rocks were still in the case Even though they were in front of his face So, what’s he do now? Call Blue Lives Matter peeps for aid? Naw He goes and lights up Using his rat-hairpiece for help It’s all good again As things burn around him He smiles, dials An ex-dealer he calls “Luscious Lyle” Lyle says, “Intervention” Mikey says, “Insurrection?” Lyle hangs up, because he don’t give a f*ck Unpauses “Uncle Buck” So, Mikey (What?), Mikey (What?) Has your hairpiece disappeared? (Say what?) Reach up and feel it (Feel what?), feel it (Feel what?) Feel the balding head Mikey’s on crack Mikey’s on crack He smokes ‘em high, and low For when he hears some noises He just can’t help himself; he hides beside a small table Yells, “Going to jail!” He curls into a ball Repeats, “FREEDOM FOR ALL!” Sirens blare in the distance Or is that the air conditioning? Mikey sure as hell doesn’t know He’s in never-never land Curing every cancer With some kind of deadly ass poison Seeing things that have never been there Bears, and Trump winning Delaware Well, he’s scared of da bears So, he started saying a prayer “Father, please save me, but more importantly, help Trump win” “I can see that he did” “I also see, what’s that? Triceratops-Unicorn?” “Oh, yes! Thank you, lord!” “That must be a sign! 4 more!” “Why else would I hear that beast roar?” Mikey said amen, then called “Fox & Friends” For Kilmeade would want to know ‘Cause he’s dumb, really dumb Dumber than a comatose tree stump So, Mikey (Huh?), Mikey (Huh?) Are you ready to sound really douchey? (Huh?) Then open up, let them flap Even Doocy’s gonna laugh Mikey’s on crack Mikey’s on crack Yeah, Mikey, when it comes to crackheads There really ain’t no competition, because, you see Most crackheads don’t buy Trumpism No matter how cheap you sellin’ it His dealer becomes a dentist, leaving him to look on Craigslist But Craigslist don’t have no searches for former crackhead dentists His flapping lips need some cheap rock Like “doodle-doo” needs cock He’ll leap over hurdles and facts He’ll even wear a mask Just kidding; that was going too far For a dumbass, crackhead traitor Who always gets an itch To be a giant Cheeto’s little b*tch So, yeah, withdrawals suck Less than MyPillow’s fluff ‘Cause they’re harder than rocks and are more useless Than blind drunks standing to piss To the friends and family of this loon Whether real or no Take his nasty ass out to get tests done Some we know he won’t pass – not one Don’t let him take them too fast You don’t want him to hurry back He may be fam, but you don’t know him That’s what you tell all who ask ‘bout him Loony bins, if you listenin’ Be forewarned about his presence And don’t let him bring in no pillows ‘Cause he uses them to smoke Mikey’s on crack Mikey’s on crack Mikey looks all whacked ‘cause he’s high on crack Mikey looks all whacked ‘cause he’s high on crack Mikey looks all whacked ‘cause he’s high on crack Mikey looks all whacked ‘cause he’s high on crack Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/ Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki