Arts
Lockdown diaries Episode 5 Meaning of Choice by Kristina Pakhomenko Hello my name is Kristina Pakhomenko. I was born in Moscow in 1990. My father (sports fan after more than 20 years in the military) was raising me alone from the age of 8 (long story). I played tennis with a goal (and a routine) of playing on tour, until 17. Then I couldn’t continue my “dream”, so after 1 year of not understanding what to do with my life, I went to play for a university in the US. Having a lot of inner problems together with the first huge love, that was refusing to work and so many other aspects (physical and emotional) that were happening with and around me - all was putting me down emotionally. So in the first match I fell, tore everything inside my knee, and my adventure has started. Recovery and the story of it was hell. I put all my effort and I did it. I will be always thankful to my art teacher at that time, who took me to her home after surgery. Thank you, Teri! I love you! After that injury and surgery, nobody wanted me as a player for a scholarship position. Only 2 schools, which finally were just one (because of the major that I wanted - psychology). So I went to Mormon University in Hawaii (because of the tennis team, I don’t commit to any religion). I remember how I thought in the plane “I went through such hell with this injury - now I will have my compensation, now everything is going to be different”. I was so wrong, haha, my hell was just starting. Couldn’t finish my degree because of the economic situation and so many other things and how all of them collided together to not let it happen. Came back to Moscow. Lived there for 6 months. After the US and Europe, I couldn’t live there anymore. Such a different mentality - I was going crazy. Got an opportunity (thanks to my father) to go to Spain and train to become a golf professional. I was 23 and I took it. So many things happened in 6 years and I was facing so many different problems on many levels that I can’t put into words ( I can but will be too long) so I ended up with an autonomic nervous system disorder. My partner (my wife actually) left me at the worst moment. But I was on 3 pills per day so it didn’t hurt that much. Besides, the relationships were far from good. Anyway, the mental bottom was reached. Somehow, I just started trying different things with my thought. I started reading a lot about it, with the mind, emotions, memories, fears, and so on. I started noticing connections and how everything is a cause and effect. I understood a lot of things about myself but I’m just in the beginning. The period of isolation was a literal transformation for me. I understood why things that have happened to me - happened. Why I was meeting always the same people and so many similar problems. I understood how I was conditioned in so many ways. And how we all are. Like we are sleeping. I understood how thoughts are the same thing as muscles. How it all can be trained in any way possible. I tried different things with my thoughts and I saw it working in reality. After that, I became obsessed with it. It fascinates me. It doesn’t let me sleep. How thoughts truly are everything. HappyLondonPress.com Do you want to become a published writer - well we have so many different opportunities happening - Take a look here https://www.hi2020.co.uk https://www.happylondonpress.com/welcome-how-to-write-a-short-story-1