Comedy
“Bingo, Nines, you’re on point” called the squad leader who was the first to touch down. His combat boots made an echoing metallic clap as they met hit steel ground. He detached his carabiner with a click, and heard behind him the sound of his two named subordinates zip down their own ropes and detach their carabiners. When their boots made contact they immediately shouldered their carbine rifles, flashlight attachments on and cutting swathes of dark as they fanned out in a small area, illuminating the eerie angles of the derelict space station. From behind the squad leader could be heard two more zips of descent, followed by the metallic claps of boots on steel that told the arrival of the rear guard, Chico and Ballard. Unlike his companions Ballard wasn’t a soldier, he was a scientist evident in the way he carried himself, his posture, his movements, unlike with his intellect his whole body seemed to lack precision. Without looking back to greet them, the squad leader cleared his throat. Though Ballard had yet to prove himself for a true nickname, the squad leader liked to call him Doc. “ Hey Doc, remind me again why we had to jump to this sorry piss bucket?” Ballard didn’t answer him right away and the squad leader's anger rose, he was about to open up and let the little geek have it when he noticed the sounds of heavy breathing. The poor bastard was trying to catch his breath. With the physical exertions of the day being only a few hours after a thaw, not to mention the added weight of the combat gear, the lad was probably at his limits. What in hell was HQ thinking assigning a liability like this to his squad? The squad leader waited for him to catch his breath but didn’t like it. “An A.I.” said Ballard at last, “Luxury model, modeled after an old world author, Female, J.K...something” At this Chico spoke up in his country twang “ Bullshit. Ain’t no way they sent us out here just to retrieve an A.I. Lux. Ain’t no way.” The squad leader turned around to face Ballard. “Doc, you better start talking.” Ballard started to stammer “I-I- That’s all I know I—” The squad leader slammed a massive forearm into Ballards chest driving him up against a wall and a loud thunk echoed off into the darkness. “I don't have time for this Doc. Start making sense.” The squad leader was sure Doc had pissed himself, but he gave him credit for not weeping or crying out. “Okay, Okay!” said Ballard and the squad leader backed off, letting him sink to his knees. In a breathless tone Ballard said, “A.I. went rogue. One minute it was writing children's books and the next.” “Next what?” asked the squad leader impatiently. “We think…” said Ballard “well I’m fairly certain that it’s gone..Glinner mode.” Chico swore, Bingo and Nines turned to stare at Ballard open mouthed, and the squad leader made the sign of the cross. And suddenly in an explosion of light and sound, the space station came to life, the piercing klaxons caused the party to slap their hands over their ears, and the sudden flashing lights caused them to shut their eyes. The party was rendered helpless as the blast doors at every entrance shut and sealed, and the gas began to fill the room. “TERF IS A SLUR” boomed a disembodied distorted voice. Topics Discussed on Today’s Show include: “Oh Really Dude?”, H2H P2P, Glinner Mode, Bloodthirsty Libs, and The Villages! Show Originally Aired 06/29/20 — VOD: https://www.twitch.tv/videos/664938970