Arts
FADE IN.Saturday last marked the wedding of Dexter Chisp and Pfidze latterly-Chisp, the "Lanka" having been relegated to the obscurities of née - tradition aside, why one would readily assent to "Chisp" is the chef d'oeuvre of confusion. In attendance were several (Baltic) leaves of the Lanka family tree. All behaved in my presence with a queer salmagundi of scowl and supplication, thus affording me a first-hand pageant of Pfidze-context. Strange people.Notably AWOL was Arturas "Papa" Lanka, still doing porridge in a Kaunas nick. Perhaps inevitably, the clan begged me to step in and give the gal away. And so I walked her down the aisle. Unhurriedly, of course… her ankles are shot, the poor moo.I won't be alone, of course. There's Panley. A grandson marinating. Vern's only next door. Avi. Ignatius Pusk. Yeah, I’ll be okay.Pfidze Chisp… When all is said and done, at the end of the day, if my arm is being twisted... I certainly don't wish upon them UNhappiness. What must follow, I'm sure you can infer. Need I spell out everything, you numskulls?!One of my self-borne and Pfidze-typed axioms for Funlimited Entertainment was: "Comedy plus time equals tragedy." I hereby risk diluting its raw rhetorical power. But I’ll specify that the maxim (in addition to wittily inverting the well-known alternative) was originally conceived as an exhortation to operate on the cutting-edge, to break ground, to break barriers, to break even if possible. It was a rejection of outdated modes - we're all expected to worship at the altar of Lenny Bruce, but I dare you to suggest that any laughter escaping your lips isn't a lie. Have you watched Abbott and Costello? Woeful.I'm mindful that the adage could be newly construed as pertaining to my exit from this company that I built - and yes, I now know how felt Pa. Such an interpretation would be odiously cynical. And cynicism is too easy. Increasingly too easy.Here's a final reading, which I certainly hope is OFF the money. Free from portent. Honestly, I really hope otherwise. Feverishly otherwise. I really hope it DOESN'T mean that Sam and Jordan are now at the helm of their very own Hindenburg, the conflagration ever impending. Let us forgive that which they have done and overlook that which they haven't, just temporarily enough to wish upon them no-less-than-possible success. The zeppelin is yours, boys. Bon voyage. Oh, the humanity!As I and unlikely you reach the end of my hindmost blurb, I ask you to play "My My, Hey Hey (Out of the Blue)" - only if you can open another window on the browser, don't be scarpering at this climactic omega - by the lamentably a-bit-whiny Neil Young. Do the maths in your head to replace "rock and roll" with "podcast", etc., extract the sentiment and weep. WEEP.Much of my life has been brandished and codified across the Funlimited apparatus. Unless the boys belly-flop inexorably into the glop of controversy and get this whole cruise “cancelled”, this biographical mosaic will forever be conditionally indelible. In a sense, I will always be here, ready for your acquaintance. In a much realer sense, just pop the lads a message and I’m sure they’ll pass on any words of adulation.Take it away, Neil…"My my, hey heyRock and roll is here to stayIt's better to burn out than to fade awayMy my, hey hey..."FADE OUT.Does this fade-out contradict the import of the lyrics? No. Ironies, people. You'll never fully understand the sheer depth and quality of that which you here lose… Although it is slightly frustrating that this after-thought will actually be the last thing you'll read from me, rather than the poetic fade-out itself. But I suppose it's just about right. It's in the details my brilliance has always lurked.Jeremy Kettle,A King Unforgotten