Arts
Episode 41, eh? 40-ruddy-1. Who’d’ve thought (66.666?% of) the boys would make it this far? For one, I. The podcast is free to produce, not to mention simplified by a robust rejection of rigour. Funlimited Entertainment, parent company of the Funfiltered podcast (what’s so damned confusing about that, by the way?), was to be a monolith of amusements. Motion pictures, podcasts, musicks. Et al. For an agglomeration of disappointments, lethargies and personal betrayals, this pleasure column has yet to be erected. Onward I trudge. All to say that our/their (when the buck stops, my) listenership is scantier than the cladding of a nudist colony. For those of you that DO lend an ear, I wish to clarify something… A curious little cabal of sceptical dolts has been making murmurings on the ‘Netblogs. I cannot let their grotesque agnosticism (at worst, atheism) pullulate by going unanswered. I AM REAL. I am sixty-one going on sixty-two years old (such public disclosures are indecorous but you intellectually uncouth bastards have forced my hand). I was born in Lichfield. I was rich and then I was not. I am not. I have been married four times to three different women. I live in Bracknell. I drive a Ford Fiesta. I suffer with kidney stones. Jaffa Cakes are my favourite confection. I enjoy Radio 4. I am a patriot, a capoeira practitioner and the CEO of Funlimited Entertainment. I am a poet and a dreamer. I’m Jeremy Kettle, motheryuckers. Putting my invective aside for only the moment, let me thank you on behalf of Messrs Riddle and Crease for cloistering yourselves from the ranks of the rank apathetic. You listeners are truly pathetic. We/they (when the buck stops, I) do it for you. Give yourself a standing ovation*. *”Ovation” sounds like a lady process, doesn’t it?