Comedy
Full Metal Chicken Eggs Friday, March 28, 2008Now Available! FMCE in PODCAST - All the funny none of the reading!Click here: http://www.archive.org/download/Fmce2/Fmce2.mp3Warning: Content is not “work friendly” so headphones are recommended.For those of you using iTunes, or any other podcast software you can subscribe to the podcast: http://feeds.feedburner.com/FullMetalChickenEggs.Thanks and Enjoy!FMCTwo old men were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress.One leaned over the other and said, "Cripes! life is boring, we never have any fun these days. For two bucks, I'd take my clothes off and streak through the flower show!"“You're on!" said the other old fellow, holding up two dollars.As fast as he could, the first old man fumbled his way out of his clothes and completely naked, streaked through the front door of the town hall.Waiting outside, his friend heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud applause. The naked old man burst out through the door surrounded by a cheering crowd."How did it go?" asked his friend."Great!" he said, "I WON FIRST PRIZE AS A DRIED ARRANGEMENT!!!"Source: Jokes2U 03/22/2008Nobody ever said teenagers were smart. An 18-year-old in Wisconsin had seven dump truck loads of snow delivered by the city to his parent's front yard so he could build a 34-foot long igloo. Dan Meyer said he used his 10 years of snow construction experience to form the snow into a massive snow fort that reaches above the first story of his parents' home."I was just amazed by how much one load was," Meyer said. "Then I piled it up and called them for more loads." Jeff Harding, assistant superintendent of public works for Neenah, said the city occasionally gets requests for truck- loads of snow, but this was the first instance he knew about where the snow went toward a construction project. "We backed up in the front yard and dumped away, just like we would at our dump site," he said. "It's really like, 'My God, what are you doing with all this snow?'"Dan's father was reported as saying that if all that snow floods the damned basement when it melts he is going to slap the taste out of Dan's mouth.Source: Bizarre News 03/22/2008With the Supreme Court trying to determine whether the 2nd Amendment to the Constitution really says that we can keep and bear arms, the following is quite interesting...1. The number of physicians in the U.S. is 700,000.2. Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year are 120,000. (Calculation: Accidental deaths per physician is 0.171. Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept of Health Human Services).3. The number of gun owners in the U.S. is 80,000,000.4. The number of accidental gun deaths per year is 1,500. (Calculation: The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is .0000188. Statistics courtesy of FBI)Therefore, statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.Source: Bizarre News 03/22/2008Headlines I'd Like to SeeHells’ Angel Raped During Pride ParadePresident Gored by BullSenior arrested for stealing from and mistreating staff at old age homeRapist Raped by Police OfficerTrump Horrible Lay Says Ex-WifeHugh Hefner Dead - His Penis For Sale on eBayMcDonalds Sells Deep Fried S*&T – LiterallyFirst Iraq Strip Club OpensIraq Strip Club Still Standing After 1000 DaysVatican Rescinds Ban on Birth Control and Masturbation; says the pope “This April Fools’ joke has gone on long enough”Pedophile Killed by Chuckey CheeseDrunk Driver Kills Drunk Driver - No Charges LaidMen and Women have a lot of similarities that no one talks about. Like when your at a party and some one falls asleep both sexes say “SSSHHHH quiet."The difference is that men will then say, “"Someone get a camera I have an idea."Quick observation about the guy who let his girlfriend stay on the toilet for 5 years: That is the definition of low maintenance. Why is everyone trying to say what a bad guy the boyfriend of that chick was?. I think this guy should be praised - five years and they still call him her boyfriend. Jesus, my girl is on the can for 20 minutes and I'm looking for another girl to bang. And he didn't leave her after a week! I would have sold the house and walled up the bathroom. And after 5 years she wouldn't be referred to my girlfriend she would be that crazy bitch.For more of FMCE and to view past issues or to listen to old podcasts please visithttp://fullmetalchickeneggs.blogspot.com/For the podcast just click the title of the issue.