Comedy
A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?""We're taking TWA," was the reply. "We got a great rate!""TWA?" exclaimed the barber. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?""We'll be at the downtown International Marriott.""That dump! That's the worst hotel in the city. The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?""We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope.""That's rich," laughed the barber. "You and a million other people trying to see him. You'll be at the back of St Peter's Square and from that distance he'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."A month later, the man again came in for his regular haircut. The barber asked him about his trip to Rome."It was wonderful," explained the man. "Not only were we on time in one of TWA's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28 year old stewardess who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $25 million remodeling job and now it's the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the presidential suite at no extra charge!""Well," muttered the barber, "I know you didn't get to see the Pope."“Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later the pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down as he spoke a few words to me.""Really?" asked the Barber. "What'd he say?"He said, "Where'd you get the shitty haircut?"Source: Jokes2U 03/13/2008I saw a road sign that said, "Need help? Call Jesus. 1-800-555-3787."So I did. Twenty minutes later a Mexican showed up with his tow truck.Source: Laffaday 03/12/08A man finally gets his prescription for Viagra. Eager to try it out, he takes one as soon as he gets home, and waits for his wife to come home from work, but in his excitement he forgets and leaves the package open on the table and his cockatiel eats all of them. Seeing the results and panicking the man grabs the bird and stuffs him into the freezer to cool off. Unfortunately, his Viagra kicks in just as his wife comes home and it is hours later before he remembers the cockatiel. He runs and looks in the freezer expecting the worst, only to find the bird breathing heavily, drained with sweat and totally exhausted. "What happened?" the man asks. "You were in there for hours and yet you're not only alive but you're sweating like crazy?" The cockatiel pants, "Man, have you ever tried to pry apart the legs a frozen chicken?"Source: Laffaday 03/12/08Bizarre Colonoscopy Humor[A physician claims these are actual comments from his patients made while he was performing colonoscopies.]1. "Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before."2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"3. "Can you hear me NOW?"4. "Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!"5. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"6. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."7. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"8. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the Hokey Pokey...."9. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"10. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must acquit!"11. "Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."12. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"13. "Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in fact, up there?"Source: 03/15/08FACT: Bestiality is no longer legal in The Netherlands. It took 2 years of debate before making it illegal this week. They were responsible for 65% of the worlds animal porn.If there is anything that nuns love as much as Jesus it's 80's Hair Metal-FMC (quote from a short story written about a car accident involving the incredible Hulk, a band tour bus and a mini van filled with nuns. If you ask nicely I might include the full version next week)Every time I see a commercial I can usually come up with a way to make it better. This does not include the new Diamond Shreddies commercial. I would like to meet the guy that came up with that and compliment him on the size of his balls.“Mighty putty does it all - stick metal to glass, plastic to brick, skin to wood. Take Johnson here he takes a nap every day at 10:00. All we need to do is cut a piece off knead to active and place between his head and the desk.”(5 minutes pass)Back to Johnson waking up realizing he can't lift his head and start screaming.Now the host yelling, "NOW JOHNSON WILL NEED MEDICAL ATTENTION TO BECOME UNSTUCK – THAT’S THE POWER OF MIGHTY PUDDY!"For more of FMCE and to view past issues or to listen to old podcasts please visithttp://fullmetalchickeneggs.blogspot.com/For the podcast just click the title of the issue.