Comedy
A little old lady is walking down the street dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of the bags and every once in a while a $20 bill comes flying out of it onto the pavement. Noticing this, a policeman stops her. "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag." "Damn!" says the little old lady, "I'd better go back and see if I can gather up some of them. Thanks!" "Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "Where did you get that money? Did you steal it?" "Oh, no," says the little old lady. "You see, my yard backs up to the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there's a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes right into my flower beds! So, I stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper and each time some guy sticks his dick through the bushes, I say; '$20 or off it comes!'" "Hey not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "Ok, good luck! By the way, what's in the other bag?" "Well," says the little old lady, "not all of them pay up."SOUR LaffadayLast week I did big foot and week before that I did the Kennedyassasination this is alien abduction. Last night i watched somethingon alien abduction and UFO's, and while watching the abduction partsomething struck me as wrong and I could figure out what it was.We've all heard the stories person walking along or something getsbrought on board and probed with devices and needls, put back on the groundand then the person forgets the hole thing only to have it brought upunder hipnosys. And then it hit me why are these beings using needls.I mean if they are capable of coming here from a place the we can't seethen surely they are addvanced enought to not have to use something as primativeas needls. And surely if they are so intersted in us and studing usthen they should be able to work out an anistec that doesn't wear off.FMCIf the greatest alcoholic drink in the unisverce was like gettinghit with a solid gold brick up side the head with a lemon on it thiswas it's opposit. Or to describe it, like being hit in face withbaseball bat of poo with a lime wedge. FMCWhy is it when there is a war on people with sacrific and money poars in from the government. When wars start up you don't here well this will cost us so many billionsbut when we need to save our selves from the things we've been doingit suddenly becomes all about the money never mind the fact thatsome countries (cough US cough) could use abit of a kick in the asseconomicaly. Take our neibours to the south and see what happenedswhen they through out 10 billion dollars for nucular power plantsand a soloar system that will cover just about al there needs.Oh and don't bring up the battery thing there are batteries out therethat can power cars for what most people they've been around for years.Oh and cutting fuel costs now sure easy annouce in 2 years taxes will doubleon gas and no tax on deisle then maybe we'll see all the deisle carsand trucks that europ have come flying over here, the mass transit costswill go down then maybe we can get some that work in this courty outside of Ottawa and Toronto.CollegeWho should pay for a childs collegeFirst let me start off by explaining my exp and then go from thereI want to do this becuase alot of people when giving there views don't tell you there past.I paid my own way in hightschool i pissed away all my money the i made each summerand had next to nothing the summer before i started I word from May - Oct(i think)for just a dollar more then minum wage (7.10-8.00 at the time i think) 35 hours a weeki had enought saved to go and paid for all my own stuff. My parents paid my insurancefor the car that i drove i used my dads car and i paid for gas thy feed me and didn't charge me rent. After school i came home and did nothing i had no money and worked at a car wash till i was fired thankfully beforewinter started.I was broke when we got out from may-sept and got a great paying jobfor the rest of my time in college, and graduated with no debts.Now for the questions who should pay for a childs collegeFirst off that's a bad question who's paying for my kids college is noneof YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS, if you think i shoudl pay FUCK you if you think mykid should pay i'll tell them to say FUCK YOU to you just a soon as they can.Now on to the meat of issue should the parents pay yes and no, should the child have to payyes and no should both partent and child find a way to pay that works out best for the childyes.This is what needs to be done the child needs to know how much their paretns will paywhen they enter highschool that way they know how much money is on there ass. The rest needsto be either worked for with blood, sweat, tears, and mybe a donated kidney, OR come from a loan.There is nothing wrong with being in debt over getting higher education absolutly nothing and I havenever heard one case where that is untrue.Kids spend most of there time from 13-18 saying how much they want freedom and when 18 rolls aroundsay so wheres my money for college this seems abit like cake and eat it too type thing.But parents should help if they can and not break there own banks to do it. Also as much as thechild deservses, a parent with a lazy ass kid and gimme gimme attitiude have nothing close to moral obligation to get that basard through film school.Actually i think parents would be better off paying for moreof second year then first give them something to work for and an insentive to get throughI saw to many people drop out of my college class to not have some sort of observation like thisas did everyone who has been through univeristy or collage.my course started out with 200 and ended with45 a small few got jobs and didn't need a paper others graduated and didn't get jobs because of the econoy.I'm going to tel my kid if you don't know what you want to do don't go to college work and figure things outthen go when you know what you want to do that way you have a better footing yes you will be in debt but if your doingsomething you love to do not something you thought that you would love to do it makes everything easier. You know the honey moon is over when shes says "can you atleast wait till I'm asleep!"FMCCar Insurance: A government required protection service through a company that gets mad when you what you paid for.If the government wants to decrease the number of guns out there why don't they just make everyonethat owns one get insurance. This would be a hole lot simpler for everyone far less cost to the tax payers,well except for the 10 studies that will be needed to see if it's fesable, and of course all the time they will need to find a suitable no bid contract for a test market. The insurance companies will be happy and they can now go out with there ruthless efficany to inforce this. Gun owns woudl still have to register there guns but i'm betting an insurance companywould be able to do it way faster. Then when someone has to go buy a gun they need to get the insurance and provide the paper work and there rates go up the more guns they have and then if something happeneds to the gun they boughtlike it's shoot there insurance goes WAY up.I want to be able to either through my work or through my business be ablt to afford the kind of health insurance that if I ever find myselfneeding a hospital stay other patents are knocked out of my way as I'm wheeledthrough the halls.FMC T-Shirt Ideas4 women in burca's standing in a line with a phrase"I'll tkae whats behind curtian number 3"Say what you will about China but atleast they are opressing their own people.I love it when an american slams China about human rights, I can't wait for someChinese comic to point out that yah well when we are gather up strengh we are notcommiting genoside on 2 different peoples and umpteen different tribes steal there landthen create a great land on the backs of a people brough there for the purpose.I knew he was going to be good realeastate manager when we were kidsand we played monopoly. He owned everything on the board then bought outtwo other boards through home refinasing lones and government grants. If could walk away not owing him 5 bucks it was a good game.A man went to his boss's costume party with nothing on but a nakedyoung woman on his back. "So what the hell are you supposed to be?" the boss asked. "I'm a snail," the man replied. "What a load of crap!" his boss spat. "How can you be a snail when allyou've got is that naked young woman on your back?" "You've got it wrong," the man replied, "That's Michelle."Unsuccessful German Restaurants: LuftWaffle House BlintzKrieg What-a-Braten BurgerKraut Dolph & Eva's Secret Garden Mein Kaffe Reich's Chris Steakhouse Just-Stop-O Burgermeister & Jerry'sQuick piece of addivce for all you single gals out there if your under 30 and you want to wear a smell like a perfum or somethingwear something fruity or flowery. Don't over think this one you can try and go for somethingabit more safisticated but at that point you risk getting into mom and women smells.For you ladies over 30 where something classy don't try the fruity stuff if it's in youconditioner or your body wash fine but your better then that stuff as your main smell.I wonder what has the better rate of getting teenagers cleanRehab centers Like the Top top top of the lineorthe military inclueding military schoolI wonder what profession has the most accuracyweather peopleorfinancail advisorsTop ten DVD's that category bugs teh shit out of meI'll tell you why 10 movies fine but top 10 DVD's well nowwe are not ust talking movies now the extra features are on the table and at top of my list for that would be the lord of the ringstriogly I lump them togther becuase they are just one big ass moviebut i tell you what this is best DVD becuase you can just watch themaking of the lord of the rings and sit back and fantasis thatthey did make the movie i had hoped they would.Red flags for how to tell if your in a bad relashonshipIf before you get out of car to meet your person you say to your selfhhhmmm I wonder what will happen today and you do that more then 2 times a week.thats badSmurfs ass hair as a unit of measre ment