Health & Fitness
The natural fear of vulnerability is tied to the survival instinct. However, this fear can also block intimacy in relationship. Working through the specific moments in time which caused this fear to begin is a painful but rewarding process for both partners. Unraveling the causes of fear takes into account many factors including cultural and intergenerational trauma. But the most important element to foster healing is open communication to create a safe space to be vulnerable. Mitchell Smolkin, a certified emotionally-focused couples therapist (EFT) and supervisor, Jungian psychoanalyst, published author, and experienced public speaker. He is also the host of “The Dignity of Suffering Podcast.” Mitchell is a trusted authority on relationships, trauma, parenting and emotional transitions. He spent his career helping people deal with life’s various challenges through international practice. He has published works in the area of intergenerational trauma, specifically focusing on the ways in which we process grief, pain, and loss. Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode: 03:56 Introduction to Mitchell and EFT 07:24 Vulnerability in relationship is a particular skill that is practiced over a lifetime. 11:11 Cultural and intergenerational history are important contexts in the process of healing. 18:42 Vulnerability as a relational phenomena. Notice your first reactions to disconnection, name them, to track where the upset originates. 25:28 Hiding what you are feeling can't overwrite the nervous system. We have mirror neurons that actually anticipate partner's responses. 29:07 Just allowing another person can establish safety. However, being anti-social is tied to survival but this is terrible for intimacy. 35:26 How to discern between vulnerability and being afraid. Just talking about it with a professional creates the safety to get out of your cycles of fear. 44:01 Meaningful conversations need to happen in the right environments, as well as the right frames of mind. Partners are continuously learning how to make each other safe. 48:12 Connect with Mitchell Mentioned Mitchell Smolkin Website Mitchell Smolkin Instagram The Dignity of Suffering Podcast Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! *With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.