Comedy
It lives! After some technical difficulties (i.e. the Chernobyl-level collapse of multiple recording fail-safes) and the miraculous return of Dr. Fontes from death’s door (i.e. his medical conditions are as fraudulent as his medical degree), we’re back and as underprepared as ever! On today’s menu: Brains! They’re not just for zombies and rugby teams stranded in the Andes. But diner beware: here there be dragons. Or prions. Whichever one characterizes neurodegenerative diseases. And when the spongiform encephalopathy comes stalking, not even a resource-starved-public-school ignorance of biology can save you. Sweet cherry pie. Turns out you’d be better off licking a toad. Because the warts you get from the latter only exist in the tales of old wives, while the warts you get from the former can give you cancer on your uvula. Or even you old wives’ tail. Delicious cheeseburgers. Then more delicious cheeseburgers. Then some kind of fathomless, unknowable, Cthulhu-Mythos-buffet quantity of cheeseburgers. Plus bacon. Delicious? Yes. Deadly? It couldn’t hurt to add a cigarette and a margarita but yes, probably. Still, there are worse ways to go, and at the rate cows are burping methane into the atmosphere, the whole planet’s cooked in about a decade anyway. Unless . . . unless someone--some hero--can eat them all first. One cheeseburger at a time. Not all heroes wear capes. But you might want to wear a bib.