Defective: Episode 1: Dreams and Daniel Craig

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Defective

Comedy


Dumbledore: I should have known that you would be here...Professor McGonagall. The cat meows, sniffs out and the camera pans back to a wall. The cats shadow is seen progressing into a human. There are footsteps and MINERVA MCGONAGALL is revealed. McGonagall: Good evening, Professor Dumbledore. Are the rumours true, Albus? Dumbledore: I'm afraid so, Professor. The good, and the bad. McGonagall: And the boy? Dumbledore: Hagrid is bringing him. McGonagall: Do you think it wise to trust Hagrid with something as important as this? Albus: Ah, Professor, I would trust Hagrid with my life. There is a motor sound, and the two professors look up to see a flying motorcycle coming down from the air. It skids on the street and halts. A large man, RUBEUS HAGRID, takes off his goggles. Hagrid: Professor Dumbledore, Sir. Professor McGonagall. Dumbledore: No problems, I trust, Hagrid? Hagrid: No, sir. Little tyke fell asleep just as we were flying over Bristol. Heh. Try not to wake him. There you go. Hagrid hands a baby in a blanket over to Dumbledore. McGonagall: Albus, do you really think its safe, leaving him with these people? I've been watching them all day. They're the worst sort of Muggles imaginable. They really are Dumbledore: The only family he has. They stop outside a house. McGonagall: This boy will be famous. There wont be a child in our world who doesn't know his name. Dumbledore: Exactly. He's better off growing up away from all that. Until he is ready. Hagrid coughs and sniffles, he is crying. He clears his throat. Dumbledore: There, there, Hagrid. It's not really good-bye, after all. Hagrid nods. Dumbledore takes a letter and places it on the baby, who is now at the foot of the door. The baby has a visible lightning-bolt shaped scar on his forehead. Dumbledore: Good luck...Harry Potter. The camera pans into the scar and the opening title shows: HARRY POTTER AND THE PHILOSOPHER'S STONE Almost ten years after the: DURSLEY's home. The camera pans on a sleeping boy, almost eleven, with a lightning-bolt shaped scar on his forehead. There is a click, and knocking. Outside, a tall woman, PETUNIA DURSLEY, raps the door. Petunia: Up. Get up. {Knocks} {sighs} Now! {Smacks door of closet which is the boys bedroom} A large, tubby boy, DUDLEY DURSLEY, suddenly comes running down the stairs above the closet. He stops half-way down and goes back, jumping on the staircase. Dudley: Wake up, cousin! We're going to the zoo! Dudley laughs, comes down the stairs and runs for the kitchen. The boy, HARRY POTTER, tries to come out of the closet, but is pushed back in by Dudley. Petunia is in the kitchen, where Dudley has gone. Petunia: Oh, here he comes, the birthday boy! A larger man, VERNON DURSLEY, is sitting at the kitchen table. Vernon: Happy birthday, son. Petunia and Dudley giggle together. Harry comes into the kitchen, dressed in rags. Petunia: Why don't you just cook the breakfast, and try not to burn anything. Harry: Yes, Aunt Petunia. He sets to work. Petunia: I want everything to be perfect for my Dudley's special day. Vernon: Hurry up! Bring my coffee, boy! Harry: Yes, Uncle Vernon. Petunia leads Dudley over to the family room, where there are a vast amount of presents. Dudley stares. Dudley: How many are there? Vernon: Thirty-six. Counted 'em myself. Dudley: Thirty-six?! But last year last year I got thirty-seven!! Vernon: Yes, well, some of them are quite a bit bigger than last year! Dudley: I don't care how big they are! Petunia: Oh, now, now, now. This is what we're going to do, is that when we go out we're going to buy you two new presents! How's that, Pumpkin?