Miscellaneous
Chapter 4: It Starts... Listen to Chapter 4 of the International Bestselling Book, Super Intense... I don’t remember a lot from my sophomore semester in college when I experienced my first manic episode. That moment where I was overlooking the swan pond, I knew for sure that I was a superhero here to fight all injustices in this world. Unfortunately, on any given moment I also believed I was an evil villain sent to destroy the superhero version of myself. As soon as the hero would get to work, the villain would do whatever she could stop her. You can imagine how messy this became. At this point in my life leading up to this, I hadn’t yet been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. In fact, I had only just been diagnosed a few months earlier with depression, anxiety, ADD, insomnia and bulimia - even though the earliest I can remember feeling long-lasting, life-impacting depression was age ten, and I started binging and purging at fifteen to cope with anxiety. I never could focus in class and got by because I had friends who always made sure I knew what class to go to when and what homework was due (heaven forbid I kept track of my own schedule!). And I never would have considered myself someone who sleeps - even as an infant (sorry for all that night time screaming mom and dad!). Looking back on my life now and recognizing how I experienced extended periods of intense lows and highs all my life, coupled with difficulty sleeping, it all feels so obvious. But at the time I thought bipolar just meant someone who was “moody” - something I thought was totally lame, because I proudly was way more intense than just being moody. I had no idea it was a serious condition that could result in clinical insanity. And then, there I was. Convinced my friends were plotting against me any time I wasn’t around. (Who “plots” against people anyway?) Watching my face shape shift in the mirror every night after my roommates went to bed. Listening to aliens talk to me through my headphones that weren’t plugged into anything.... And of course...spending time as a hero here to save the world, or an evil villain trying to destroy the hero version of me.