Arts
#7 What looks like daycare and operates like a payday loan office Who gets stupider with stickers than grandpappy and his label gun? I’ll paint ya a picture in case it ain’t clear. At a kiosk a kid plays the same damn game since his Dad dropped him off. He looks like he’s gotta go wee-wee and his stomping feet flatten the lunchables he left on the floor. “At least eat the Rainbow sprinkles off the Rugrats shaved bologna burrito you little bastard” They’re starving in China but my healer had better be level hallelujah by Thursday Center store I see a bargain bin sad as a lawn sale and shitter besides If these untouchables were toys they’d have a domino, a head of a doll and a table for her Only it’s the plastic piece from a takeout pizza I spit sunflower seeds on the lot and park a booger on Boogerman “Pre-order bonuses you bitches!” And then I hear it. NG! NGH NGH! Let me show you that in slo mo since you might have missed it It’s conversation at the counter I think? How to time attacks to beat a boss in Zelda. Hey leisure suit Larry, I fucking holler, pipe the fuck down, I’m trying to depreciate your inventory over here. Quite the job since you’ve already trashed the joint scrounging for pokemon pre-order codes or some shit I mean even my house is more hygienic My house Where taco-bell wrappers do double duty as toilet paper, and Christmas paper and acid paper and rolling paper and “did you pre-order paper Mario” he cuts in Oh I get it buying games is some serious baby-adopting, organ transplanting Citizenship applying, space shuttle trip taking business, except in your special case the K-mart across the street is blue lighting babies, hearts, visas and a spaceship for 25 cents a flight and no I don’t need refund insurance for a disc that’s dangling from a moron’s rear view mirror besides what would one more booger matter? And that ain’t all – he wonders whether I got used games on me I check the Chewbacca bandolier I’m not wearing and laugh I make more scratch in a single post about air pockets compadre I’ll zap your bowels so full of them shits you’ll float away saying Dig-Dug Did Ya In He calls that a challenge and reckons right So we lower the lights, lock the doors, hang up the out to lunch sign and turn on HALO – hey I can’t help it there ain’t no computers in this Hacienda other than the Texas instrument he calls a cash register I’m checking out his half of the screen and he says so Of course I am asshole and I dab a big brown nose nugget on his junk – there’s your crosshair – maybe now you just might hit me! Killtacular. Clearly he ain’t cuttin’ it and wants to try tetris or some such So the whiskey nerd sends the vodka nerd across the river don by spelling LOL and NOOB in blocks with one hand while browsing the message boards with the other What came next I should have foreseen but somehow failed to. Karaoke Revolution. You tube meme in the making and a sure fired sack shrinker for the cashier jockey. You win I yell. Or rather you’re diaper fell off in the playland ballpen – And I’m bouncing before the skittles become woppers and the whole rainbow starts tasting like a training toilet I’m hardly a hero that’s true However I do grab the kid from the kiosk and direct him to the door. Go on Git! You saw Metroid. You know the score! This motherfucking brain is about to blow! I’ll be right behind you, grazing your Rugrat’s burrito.