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Is there anything worse than having a blow-out with your spouse? Have you ever found yourself fighting but you’re not really sure exactly what you’re fighting about? Let’s weigh in on argument communication. We like to make it a weekly routine of sitting down and actually listening to your partner. Maybe we ask questions and probe deeper, or we just let them talk. This simple act does help us to reconnect with each other like we did when we were first dating. Recently, we had a big fight. We had this family day planned to go for lunch, go bowling, and get Ali a new dress. But one thing led to another and we spent most of the day fighting.  Do you know what the kicker of this situation was? We weren’t even arguing about the same thing. Ali thought Mark was blaming her for everything while Mark though Ali had disrespected his belongings, which Ali didn’t even know about. This is why communication is so vital in an argument. If you take a minute to actually let your partner know why you’re angry, you can clear a lot of the issues up before it blows out of control. We both actually found that we were bringing up feelings about some past experiences and hurts, which made this argument grow even bigger. In this episode, we talk about how to actually have the difficult conversation and clear the air after a big fight. It is scary! And sometimes it’s that fear of the known which can contribute to not only the argument but our reluctance to talk about it afterward. Your homework for this week is to use this worksheet to look back at your last fight and try to figure out how you can communicate better when you have disagreements in the future. When’s the last time you had a big argument with your spouse? Did you stay angry for 36 hours like Ali did? How did you start to clear the air? Let us know in the comments on the episode page!   In This Episode: Why you should make a routine of sitting down and listening to your partner What happens to cause a fight when you don’t discuss the things that are bothering you Why communication with your partner is so vital How you can draw on past experiences to fuel an argument How do you have the difficult conversations and clear the air after a big fight What impact the fear of the unknown plays when talking about an argument   Quotes: “If your guy is yelling louder, ignoring you more, really putting on the show, he is trying to get your attention. When you’re acting as if you’ve shut down and you’re not paying attention, and you’re cold, expect it to happen.” (26:05) “I didn’t even know where to start with the conversation because it seemed like so many things were coming up. … A lot of people just want the other person to agree with us and say, ‘you were right, I was wrong’. It gives us permission to act the way that we did. I think sometimes we know that that’s not true, it takes two to tango. We know that the person is not going to agree with us. If they care about us, they won’t agree with us.” (34:32) “If you don’t communicate, you probably don’t even know what you’re fighting about.” (36:20) “You have themes of how you behave. So by knowing your themes, you get a great insight into what’s going on. It truly changes everything when you have that insight.” (42:57)   Homework Download your worksheet   Links Sign up for the Mind Body Maintenance Course Check out the full post for this episode Find Resuscitate Your Marriage Online Follow Dr. Ali Novitsky and Resuscitate Your Marriage on Facebook | Instagram  Mind Body Marriage Novitsky MD   Drs. Ali and Mark Novitsky, a married team of physicians who live in Philadelphia’s quaint suburb of Chester County. Together, they operate “Novitsky MD -Boutique Mind Doctors”, a center located in Chadds Ford, PA that has married traditional Psychiatry with newer cognitive life coaching.   Get The Results You Want With Cognitive Behavioral Coaching! Ali Novitsky MD, the Life Coach for Women Physicans and busy professional women teaches the fundamentals of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and effective goal setting. Learn more at: www.mindbodymarriage.com